Get Out of the Way

Today has been a day of mixed emotions. When I arrived at school one of the first things my classmates asked me was "Did you get your packet?" Puzzled I didn't know what they were talking about. I quickly discovered that most of my classmates had received their acceptance letters for the nursing portion of the program. I had not received mine. I sat in class worried. What if I wasn't good enough to get in? What if I had to come to class and admit to my classmates that I did not get in? That would definitely be a lesson in humility.

Change

Surprise! I don't like change. I know I should embrace change because it can bring good things. After being a military wife for as long as I have been, change gets old after awhile. I find myself longing for something to remain constant, predictable, and familiar. That sounds funny to me after I type it because we have been in our house for 3+ years and I am itching to move. :) I guess that's also a result from being a military wife for so long. 

It's been no secret that we have struggled with finding a school setting that would work well for our youngest son. It feels like it has been a constant battle between the school and our family. That's one reason I loved homeschool. It allowed me to teach him how he learned best and there wasn't any judgement from the teachers or administration.

After a long discussion, touring of a different school, and more discussions, we have decided to change our son's school. The school we have chosen is not a traditional school. It is a new school so enrollment numbers are low. The middle school and high school children are in one room. There are 6 or 7 total kids in the room with 3 teachers. It's the closest thing to being homeschooled without being actually homeschooled. You won't be wowed by the latest technology or a fancy building, but you will be wowed by the love that the staff has for the children.The teachers loved on my child from the minute he walked in the door. They talked to him like he was a person that mattered. The teachers and staff listened to our concerns about his education needs, what we needed from the school, and what we felt our son needed to succeed in an educational setting. 

After we toured the school,  my husband and I talked about our options. We agreed that it seemed like it might work for our son because it's not a traditional setting, the class is extremely small, and the work is more challenging. But then comes the big gulp, how do we find the money to send him to a private school? Little did I know that God had been at work a lot longer than I realized. About 6 weeks ago we started the process to refinance our house. We knew it would take about 2 months for everything to be done and finalized. Until we sign papers I didn't think too much about it. We toured the school on Tuesday and on Tuesday evening we got a call that our refinancing would be done next week.(we sign papers tomorrow) How's that for timing? The money that we save from our refinancing will cover the cost of the private school. I only told a few people about our situation and asked them to pray for us. I didn't expect an answer as fast as I did.

In those moments when you think you are too small for God to care about, think again. I felt that way several times over the past few weeks. I can see that the enemy was working hard on my spirit. Especially on me as a mom. There were words I called myself that I wouldn't call another person all because I believed the lies the enemy was telling me. God rescued me from that dark place and showed me (once again) that He hears my heart. He knows my hurts and He cares for me. 

When I am waiting for God to answer I usually get in the way. I don't know why we received an answer as fast as we did that day, I can only say that God's timing is perfect. 

Butt Out

The kids are back in school. I could stop this post right there and every mom would know exactly what I was talking about. While the quiet of the day is something I cherish, I know that this year will mean projects, field trips, sick kids, and for us, at the end of the year a new high school graduate.

Our youngest son started middle school this year. The same year our oldest daughter started her senior year. Over the past few weeks I have not been okay with these milestones. This is not something you think about when your children are small. I used to think that parents of high school/middle school kids were old. I couldn't imagine being old enough to have middle/high school children. Now that's all I have. I have two in middle school and two in high school. 

I struggled with the transition to middle school with all the kids. While middle school is a transition all kids have to go through, that doesn't make it any easier on a mama bear. I stressed about them fitting in, having friends, finding an activity that they liked and not having constant contact with the teachers. Our three oldest kids did just fine. They found their grove, so to speak, and middle school has been smooth sailing for them. I was worried about our youngest. He begged me to home school him on several occasions. He didn't want to go to middle school. My heart was breaking. I wanted to hug him tight and tell him he didn't have to go. 

First Semester a Success

With the life events that took place over the past few months I forgot to write about my school success. This was my first semester back to school in over 15 years. I finished the semester with a 4.0. YEAH ME! I would like to tell you I managed to successfully balance school, kids, my husband and a deployment but I didn't have balance at all. I was hanging on to the roller coaster ride for dear life.

I had good intentions of still having dinner on the table most nights, being able to drive carpool, keep up with school work and come out looking better than I did when I started. HA! That was more of a dream than anyone's reality.

Before school started I had a decent workout routine, ate well, and had dinner on the table most of the time. During school I became more and more thankful for a teenage daughter that would drive carpool and didn't mind making pancakes for dinner. As long as she could add chocolate chips of course. My workout routine went out the window and I hate to admit that the drive-thru had become my lunch time friend. A few of the pounds I had lost also found their way home to my hips. That was a welcome home party I was not happy to have.

Courage

Yesterday, just before lunch, I received a phone call from our oldest son. He was sick at school and needed me to come and pick him up. I'll be honest and tell you I was still in my PJ's enjoying a quiet morning at the house. I originally had no intentions of getting dressed yesterday. After a busy semester at school and my mom here last week, I wanted to just take the day and do whatever struck my fancy. But a mom's work is never done so I threw on clothes and headed to the school to collect my sick child. Although I wasn't sure how sick he really was because he sounded fine on the phone.

I arrived at the school to sign my child out and one of the mom's of a child in my son's class started talking to me. I can't even tell you what she said at first because I was trying to process what she was saying. Initially it sounded like my son and her son got in trouble for something and her son was suspended for 10 days. After further discussion she told me that my son was the one that told the teacher what had happened and her son was suspended. She had talked with her son about the situation. Her son knew what he did was wrong and wasn't mad at my son for telling the teacher. She also told me that when her son could go back to school he wanted to talk to my son but to let my son know that he wasn't going to be yelled at or anything like that. I felt overwhelmed. I was simply coming to pick up my sick child not learn about a middle school situation that resulted in a 10 day suspension of a student. I couldn't even think of what would warrant a suspension of 10 days. So I sat and waited for my son to collect his belongings so we could go home.

Let the Cramming Begin

Today is my first seated final. I am taking my math final early so I can enjoy time with my mom. I'm a ball of nerves over finals this week. I'm not 100% sure why I feel this way. I have been doing great all semester and should end up with a decent GPA.

The past few nights I have spent reviewing material. Reading, reading, reading, highlighting and did I mention reading? There are been a few times when I just sit and stare at the page, I see the words, recognize what they are but comprehended nothing. I think that is because my brain is too full.

This semester has been a road full of bumps. For some reason the semester felt fairly easy. I have had to do the work and study but the process has seemed easy. That is proof that God's timing is perfect.

Surviving to Thriving

There are many days in the past where I did what I could to get through the day. I just needed to survive the day. During deployment this was especially true. At the height of trying to find Parker a proper medication and help for him in school, I did what I could just to survive. Before I knew it I went from day to day just surviving.

Last week I started school. I'm carrying a full course load along with trying to manage the children, house and soon a deployed husband. I had it in my head that we would have to survive it. I had my mind made up that with homework, house chores, children's schedule, husband's schedule, a needy dog, etc that we would just simply have to hold our breath and make it through this season of our life.

Monday came along and I went to class as scheduled. I had planned dinner to be in the slow cooker because I knew that I would be late getting home, a neighbor picked up Parker so I didn't have to worry about him getting off the bus and walking home alone, the tween and teenagers made it home and left me a voicemail message. The day went smooth. no hiccups in the road. I was relieved and thankful. That night I felt good about the day.

I'm going back, back, back to school again.......

It is tradition to sit down to dinner at our house. Cell phones get left in a basket, house phone goes unanswered, and the TV is off. We set the table, hold hands to pray and begin to share our day with each other. I love this time of day.
About 6 months ago I felt like I was wrestling with a monster. I have felt like a caterpillar in a cocoon trying to fight my way out. I wasn't sure what I was fighting for but I was sure that once I broke through a beautiful creature would appear.

Six months ago all my wrestling came to a head. We were at the dinner table when  I looked at my husband and said "I think I'm having a mid-life crisis." Laugh, it's funny. My oldest looks at me and replied "Your not 50 how can you be having a mid-life crisis?" My youngest daughter pipes up "Does that mean we can get a new car?" The boys just looked at me like what is that.  Apparently, once again, I had blurted out my feelings with little thought to who or where I was. This was something that had become normal for me.

Joy Comes in the Morning

Yesterday was a whirlwind of a day. From first glance it was a normal day at our house. It was quiet. Until, Parker came home off the bus. Some new kids in the neighborhood have been picking on Parker since they started riding the bus together. He came home in tears yesterday. It wasn't long after he came home that the mom of the other boys was knocking at the door claiming that Parker was the bully and saying things that I am certain he didn't say. I know Parker. I know the things he is capable of. He wouldn't make this comment. I'm sure he said things he shouldn't have but this parent was claiming my child was saying racial slurs. (neither of us heard what happened it was all he said he said) After having a less than calm conversation with this mom I walked away feeling frustrated, angry and attacked.

After a few hours and a phone call with a friend I had calmed down a little. My husband and I made a trip to Lowe's after supper and on the way home I had a frying pan to the head moment. I really felt the Holy Spirit tell me that we (as a family) are at war. Our family (just like most families) are under attack. The enemy will use anything he can to get a foothold and tear us apart. It seems like since we moved here we have been under constant attack. It hasn't been little things either. I'm talking take cover cause bombs are going off.

Ready for School

I'm not sure who is more excited for school to start, myself or my boys. For the past 18 months I have home-schooled our boys. It had been a decision that I felt the Lord calling me to make but I kept doubting the Lord. I would say "Lord, you must have the wrong mom because I CAN'T home-school my boys."

Things continued to get worse at their school and I felt like the teacher wanted me to sit with my 2nd grader for the entire day. Her curriculum didn't allow to give my child additional work or more difficult work because he finished the work faster than his classmates. During this process I learned that I probably shouldn't say NO to the Lord. He does know way more about things than I do. In frustration I threw my hands up and said "Okay Lord, you win. I will bring the boys home and teach them."