Reflection

Reflection is a great thing if you use for the right reasons likes to figure out what went wrong, what can I do better, and where do I go from here. There have been times in my life that I have used reflection to beat myself up about choices I have made. But today, as I look back on the last 10 weeks I see growth, and determination, stomping my feet like a two year old, and begging for my friends and family to pray for me because I didn't feel strong enough to pray for myself.

It's been no secret that nursing school was never my end game. I want to go to PA school. I want to figure out what is wrong with the patient and be able to chart a course of action for my patient. Pathophysiology is interesting to me. The way medications change your body fascinates me. But along the journey of nursing school I thought it might be best for me to not be a nurse. I thought it would be best for me and my family to take another road that would eventually lead me to PA school. I even went to my instructors and told them I didn't think I would be back and pretty much told them I wanted to quit. The instructors being as wise as they are would not accept my resignation and told me to think about it some more.

Today as I embark on the end of the summer semester I can see the light at the end of the tunnel for nursing school. 32 weeks stands between me and the end of nursing school. At the end of nursing school I won't simply have a degree in my hand, I have a career waiting for me. A career that will assist me in the next part of the journey. I am sure during the next 32 weeks there will be plenty of tears, lots of frustration and not understanding why we have to do certain things, and lots of "I'm sorry I can't go and do that fun thing with you." But at the end of those long weeks I will have the journey to show my children that hard work pays off and lofty goals and aspirations require you to work hard for them.

I Had an Affair..........

.......with my phone. You see after carrying that little thing with me every where I went, sleeping with it, and checking it every 5 minutes, it occurred to me that I was having an affair with my phone.

When my husband deployed for the first time I didn't go anywhere without it. I made sure it was always charged or had access to a charger and it never left my side. I even upgraded to a phone that would allow me to IM with my husband and, of course, I had to have access to email anytime of day. I couldn't stand the thought of missing a phone call from my husband. Just the thought of missing a call gave me anxiety.

Retreat

A few weeks before my husband left for our most recent deployment we had the privelage to attend a marriage retreat in Savannah, GA. The retreat was actually for another squadron in our unit. Last week we received notice that they still had spots available if anyone would like to join them. We found friends to take the children and made all the arrangements to go.

I was nervous about going on this trip. We are close to deployment. It seems that every time we get close to deployment we tend to separate emotionally. I know this is normal. My husband is trying to focus on his mission and the things he needs to do in order to get ready to leave. I am getting ready to be a single parent and carry the household work and children by myself. I didn't want to spend a weekend away from home like this. If we were going away I wanted to connect with my husband.

We arrived in GA very late on Friday, got checked into our room and settled in for the evening. It was so nice to wake up on Saturday with my husband next to me. There weren't any children whispering "mom, can I watch cartoons?" It was just us. We got up and adventrured out to see Savannah for the day. Ted and I just enjoyed being with each other. We were together physcially and emotionally.

The unit had a planned dinner session on Friday and Saturday night. We missed Friday nights session because we arrived so late. God knew what we needed on Saturday. Although we only caught the end of the discussion it helped us answer some questions about deployment and our marriage.

With Ted coming and going so much it makes reconnecting and staying connected hard. It is very easy to fall into a routine of life and not realize that you are only managing the schedule. While we have been aware that we are simply managing the schedule we weren't sure how to get out of that spot. Our weekend away was the answer for us.