There are many days in the past where I did what I could to get through the day. I just needed to survive the day. During deployment this was especially true. At the height of trying to find Parker a proper medication and help for him in school, I did what I could just to survive. Before I knew it I went from day to day just surviving.
Last week I started school. I'm carrying a full course load along with trying to manage the children, house and soon a deployed husband. I had it in my head that we would have to survive it. I had my mind made up that with homework, house chores, children's schedule, husband's schedule, a needy dog, etc that we would just simply have to hold our breath and make it through this season of our life.
Monday came along and I went to class as scheduled. I had planned dinner to be in the slow cooker because I knew that I would be late getting home, a neighbor picked up Parker so I didn't have to worry about him getting off the bus and walking home alone, the tween and teenagers made it home and left me a voicemail message. The day went smooth. no hiccups in the road. I was relieved and thankful. That night I felt good about the day.
The rest of the week played out much the same way. Children made it home safely from school, didn't kill each other while I was commuting home, and were in decent moods when I arrived home. School went well. Again I found myself thankful that we are weathering this part of our family life well.
I didn't plan on more than simply surviving this part of my life. I was sure that it was going to be chaotic and I would have to slip into my big girl panties and deal with it. I knew that God was leading me to school and I knew that I was following His direction. I also knew that He would work out the details of all the other things that needed to fall into place.
Call me crazy but this past week felt like one of the best weeks for us as a family. We did dinner together as always, regular activities, and yet some how we were more connected. How could that be? I'm still not sure how or why that happened. I'm not wasting time trying to figure out the why. I'm simply saying thank you.
For a long time I have blogged about feeling lost or like a caterpillar trying to fight my way out of a cocoon. I have felt that way since we moved here over 4 years ago. I would take on different tasks or volunteer positions and still felt the same way. At this moment I have so much peace. Who would have ever thought you would hear someone say they have peace after they started college? Not to mention I will have a daughter in college and my youngest daughter will graduate high school when I graduate. How does that create peace? The answer is simple. It's not the situation that has created the peace in me. It's God. I FINALLY listened to what He was telling me.
I always knew I would end up back in school. There were definitely times in our life as a family that I would have not succeeded in school. But as I look back at the past few years I can see how God was laying the bricks on the path one step at a time for me to be at this point. Our sweet Parker has some of the best medical people around him. He is doing well in school and the school no longer has me on speed dial. Those were definitely days of simply surviving.
I know during this season there will be days ahead that we simply survive and get through. Like the day my husband has to leave again. We will simply get through that day. We have been very spoiled with having him home for a solid 8 months. So D(deployment) day will be hard this time around. But I know that God already knows that. I know that He is laying the brick on the path to that day.
When my attitude was to simply get through the day, that's all we did. We got through the day. I say we throughout this post because like any other mama that runs their house I know that I set the tone for the house. If I am cranky so is everyone else. If I am singing and dancing while I cook breakfast so are my girls. My boys just shake their head and walk away as if to say they totally don't get girls. :) I'm going to focus more on thriving through the day instead of simply surviving.
Proverbs 2:15 NLT "Good planning and hard work lead to prosperity, but hasty shourtcuts lead to poverty."
I think in the past I was trying to shortcut my way around what God was trying to lead me to all along. I'm not sure I'm fully out of the cocoon yet but I feel as if I am stepping out. I was trying to shortcut the work in front of me and during those days I definately felt the spiritual poverty. I was not fulfilled, lonely, cranky, irritible, just down right miserable.
Once I truly submitted to following the plan God had put before me I started to feel peace, relaxed, and like I was thriving. I am finally blooming where God has planted me. Instead of fighting to leave this place and focusing on how much I didn't like it here I am putting my feet in the soil, allowing the sun to shine on me and I am growing.
No matter what stage of life you are in hold tight to this promise.
"For I know the plans I have for you," declars the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11
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