Presently in Chaos and Stress (PCS)

A few years ago a dear friend of mine wrote a blog for me and used the title "Presently in Chaos and Stress" and I at this point in our lives, that title is completely fitting.

After only nine short years it is time for us to say good-bye to our current duty station and move on to our next duty station. On one hand it is hard to believe we have been here nine years, but then again it feels like we have been here forever. We are comfortable. We own a home, our kids have a great network of friends, the parental units have a great network of friends and jobs we both enjoy. Comfortable is not somewhere I ever thought I would be. At least not until we retired and built a forever home. After all, this is the military and anything can change a moments notice.

When my husband left the unit and took a job that only required the occasional TDY trip, we became extremely comfortable with our day to day life. We enjoyed weekends, friends, hanging in the driveway with the neighbors, watching our children grow and change, and I have enjoyed that my children have had a little stability in their lives. Our oldest daughter attended 3 first grades, so a little stability was a welcomed change from constantly moving.



Throughout our time here, we have experienced great growth. Spiritually, individually, as a couple, as parents, and our children have grown here. As I sit looking at boxes I can't help but think, if these walls could talk, oh the stories they would tell. The laughter, fights, holes in the walls, and the crying and praying because I wasn't sure how we would overcome some of the obstacles before us. But we overcame them. We became comfortable.

But, something happens when you are comfortable. At least for me. I tend to say to God "I got this, thanks for being there, but I'm ok." I tend to take control of the wheel that is steering my life, put on cruise control and proceed with the autopilot of life. God lets me carry on like this for so long before he tries to steer me back to a path that leads to Him.

That day was the day my husband uttered the words "We have orders."  I cried, was angry, cried some more, and of course was pissed off at the military for once again uprooting my life at the precise moment when I became comfortable. It didn't take me long to figure out that I was also really angry with God. Once again I felt like a two year old throwing a temper tantrum with every conversation I had with God. And I couldn't help but scream "WHY????!!!!??? the hell do we have to move NOW?" The answer I got was not one I liked, it was simply you are too comfortable.

God led me to the point where I knew that they only way I would get through this PCS is with His strength. We were not expecting orders. We were not anticipating orders. I did not want orders. Our boys are in high school. I did not want to move them while they are in high school. Especially our youngest. He is in such a good spot that was a tough road to get to. A sweet friend of mine who watched me struggle through some of the younger years with our youngest had asked why I was limiting our youngest. Her question caught me completely off guard. It was almost a how dare she question my parenting type of gut reaction. But I knew she was coming from a place of love so I listened. She was right. I was limiting our youngest. I was labeling him unable before he even tried. Unable to be successful in a new school, unable to transition to a new place, unable........wow......I was the one that needed the adjustment not our youngest. When I hung up the phone I knew that God had used my sweet friend as the messenger that I needed.

Just like the reality of that phone call helped my attitude, so many things for this move seem to be falling in to place to make our moving reality a little easier. Our house sold, on very short notice (10 days) we have movers picking up our HHG (household goods) so we don't have to move them twice (that almost never happens), we had a friend offer us a place to stay for the little time we have between our house being sold and leaving for our new duty station, I have found a job in a NICU, our girls are getting settled in an apartment, our boys are warming up to the idea of moving, and just today we found out that our on post housing will be ready for us just before we get there, again that almost NEVER happens. The only thing I can attribute all these things to is God. God's timing, God's direction, and God's knowledge that my mama heart is hurting having to leave two of my children here in school.

For the little bit of time we have left here I will try to remember that God's plan is bigger than mine, that He loves my children more than I ever could and He has plans for them. It will be hard to leave this place. It will be hard to drive away without all of my children in the Jeep. It will be hard to say good-bye to some great friends that have become like family to us. In those tough places growth occurs. We will once again be blessed to have an extended family in another part of the country.

So in true military style, we will not say good-bye we will say................until next time.