Reflection

Reflection is a great thing if you use for the right reasons likes to figure out what went wrong, what can I do better, and where do I go from here. There have been times in my life that I have used reflection to beat myself up about choices I have made. But today, as I look back on the last 10 weeks I see growth, and determination, stomping my feet like a two year old, and begging for my friends and family to pray for me because I didn't feel strong enough to pray for myself.

It's been no secret that nursing school was never my end game. I want to go to PA school. I want to figure out what is wrong with the patient and be able to chart a course of action for my patient. Pathophysiology is interesting to me. The way medications change your body fascinates me. But along the journey of nursing school I thought it might be best for me to not be a nurse. I thought it would be best for me and my family to take another road that would eventually lead me to PA school. I even went to my instructors and told them I didn't think I would be back and pretty much told them I wanted to quit. The instructors being as wise as they are would not accept my resignation and told me to think about it some more.

Today as I embark on the end of the summer semester I can see the light at the end of the tunnel for nursing school. 32 weeks stands between me and the end of nursing school. At the end of nursing school I won't simply have a degree in my hand, I have a career waiting for me. A career that will assist me in the next part of the journey. I am sure during the next 32 weeks there will be plenty of tears, lots of frustration and not understanding why we have to do certain things, and lots of "I'm sorry I can't go and do that fun thing with you." But at the end of those long weeks I will have the journey to show my children that hard work pays off and lofty goals and aspirations require you to work hard for them.


There is a quote somewhere that says something like nothing great ever came from sitting on the sidelines. I hope I am teaching my children by example that through life, no matter your circumstances, what other people say, or how old your birth certificate says you are, you are capable of great things. You can succeed at anything you put your mind to. Does it come easy? HECK NO!!!! AND if you are on the path that God wants you to be on you can darn sure guarantee that the enemy will do everything he can to throw you off the path God has for you. The path that God has for us is never meant to be comfortable or familiar. If you are comfortable and familiar you stop growing. I was in that comfortable place for a long time. Our marriage was comfortable, our family was comfortable, our routine was comfortable. Even deployment became somewhat comfortable because we knew how long rotations were, TDY trips that would follow, and how to squeeze in family time. We were simply going through the motions.

It would have been easy for me to leave nursing school. It would have been easier to go back to our comfortable life. It would have saved many arguments between my husband and I, many hurt feelings of close friends when I said "I'm sorry I can't go with you." Leaving nursing school would have allowed me to be more available to my children when they need something. But you know what? During this process of staying in school my children have watched me struggle, they have watched me fall down, they have watched me come home with an F on a test, and they have watched me get back up and take another swing at it. Carpool required my children to become a little more resourceful with friends so everyone could get to where they needed on time. My children have watched their dad and I struggle with our relationship and how we find time for us as a couple and as a family when nursing school requires so much work. Cause anyone that has been through nursing school knows it is not for the faint of heart.

I'm not sure what your journey looks like or what struggle you have but I can tell you that when you get past the part of fighting the process and just embrace the process, even if it is difficult it will be worth it. I would love to tell you that our marriage is fantastic, or I have the most perfect kids ever(although they are pretty stinking great), but the truth is each day is a challenge. Each day is a challenge to make sure I am connecting with my husband, talking to each one of my children, and trying to remember to text my friends back that sent me a message 2 or 3 days ago.

I came across a song a couple weeks ago that talks about being a little less comfortable. At the time I listened to it with my husband and thought how fitting it was for where we were at. Now that I listen to the song again I realize it can apply to so many situations. Don't strive for being comfortable because it's easy and doesn't require work, enjoy those times when they come but look for the next challenge, the next thing that God has in store for you. The journey is never easy but the journey makes us who we are.