Here we are 4 months after I received the dreaded phone call that my husband was hurt. I would love to tell you that he came home, healed and we went about life as normal. But that would be far from the truth. My husband has now had 2 additional surgeries and is currently hooked up to a wound vac as I type this.
Initially things looked like they would heal like they were supposed to and life would continue on. For a short period of time he was able to go back to work and start physical therapy. Then came the words that I have grown to hate. It's infected. First course of treatment was a high dose of antibiotics. The ankle quickly became more infected and wasn't responding to antibiotics.
I was in clinicals the day I got the call that my husband was going into surgery, again. The surgeon decided to open the leg back up and clean out the infection, stitch it up, keep my husband in the hospital for a few days on IV antibiotics in hopes that it would take care of the infection. By the time I got to the hospital the surgery was over and I was waiting to be called back to see him. After a LONG weekend in the hospital things looked okay and we headed home. A few days later I find myself thrown for a loop when the doctor called to tell my husband he is having another surgery the next day. This time to take the plate and screws out of his leg.
The plate and screws came out of his leg with ease and the surgeon was happy with how things went. In hopes to help the incision heal faster they stitched up the incision and put a wound vac on top of the incision. When the wound vac first came off the incision looked good. The ankle had hardly any swelling and the incision was together. A few days later the incision started coming apart and my husband was put back on the wound vac. My husband is now 3 weeks post op from the last surgery and the incision still isn't closed. It's finally making progress but still not closed all the way.
I find myself screaming inside. Why can't this wound heal and we move forward? There have been numerous appointments and referrals. I didn't prepare myself for months of recovery with multiple surgeries. I didn't prepare myself for all of the emotions that would go along with an injury that isn't healing. Not only was I not prepared for all my emotions I wasn't prepared for all the emotions my husband would go through.
One thing I did learn through this process is that I love wound care. I find myself inspecting, measuring and most of the time wishing I had a microscope to look at the wound with. That makes me think that God has a sense of humor. When my husband was deployed the first time our youngest son fell off his bike. Upon first inspection of his injuries I thought part of his lip was missing. I found it very difficult to sit with him while he was stitched up. I had wonderful friends that held my hand(and my son's) during the process. Now every time I change my husband's wound vac I find myself with my eyes as close to the wound as possible. I am completely fascinated by the human body.
I don't think any military spouse is prepared to hear that your husband is hurt. We try hard to prepare ourselves for all the what ifs and play out different scenarios in our heads, have paperwork ready, childcare arranged if we need it, but when that dreadful day came I found myself sitting at my desk with my head in my hands crying not sure what to do next. I have a great support system in place and was able to walk through those first days one step at a time.
The day I received that dreaded phone call I was as prepared as I could have been. As we walk the road to recovery I am prepared as I can be. Until we walk through something I don't think we are ever fully prepared. I'm still learning to prepare for what I can and leave the rest to God.
When I was driving yesterday I heard the song Strong Enough. I was quickly reminded that through this process I was trying to be strong enough for myself, my kids, my husband and everyone else that needed me. I wasn't allowing God to be strong enough for me. I was only relying on my own strength.
Music speaks to me on such a deep level. This song spoke to me yesterday. The first line that says "You must think I'm strong to give me what I'm going through" brought tears to my eyes.
Today I started asking God to be strong enough for the both of us. I know I can't do this alone. I tried.
"I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength."Philippians 4:13
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