Women of Faith

It's almost time to head to Women of Faith. The plans to go started last year when we were there. Usually the time goes quickly and we are all back together. This year, the last couple of months have seemed to drag on forever. I felt like a teenager waiting to get a driver's license or a small child waiting for Santa.

This weekend is more than just a conference. It is a time to see my best friend and connect with women. It's a time to forget I am a mom. As much as a mom can forget. It's a time to leave all the home stuff at home and just focus on my relationship with God.

I have missed my relationship with God. I have been distant. I know that it is me and not Him. Constant TDY and deployments have started to take their toll on me. I often wonder if it is all worth it. I often wonder when I will feel like my old self again. You know, the person you are when you are at your best. Sure there are a few days here and there that put a wrench in things but that person that stops to enjoy the children being silly, loves being home with everyone here, just feels fulfilled. I have missed that person. I want to get her back. Isolation has been my drug of choice lately. The enemy wants me to believe that I don't matter. That I don't make a difference. I know the truth. Psalms 34:18 says ." The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed."

I never dreamed that saying good-bye to my husband over and over would be this hard. Before we started this part of our Army life I was focused on the home comings not the leaving. But the leaving is what breaks my heart. I have to grieve the loss of my husband again and again. By the time I start to figure out our routine and get in my groove he is home again. Then that opens a new can of worms.

I am excited to see what God has for me. I am blessed to have a wonderful mom who will get on a plane and come and stay with my kids so I can go for a weekend and not have to worry about the kids. I am blessed to spend the weekend in great company. I am blessed that my Heavenly Father is waiting for me. He is waiting to meet me right where I am.