As an adult I didn't think I would struggle with relationships with other adults. In the recent days I was reminded that while I have a few close friends who are dear to me, the outer circle of friends that I have is........well........not people I should be around any more.
To give you a little background information I will tell the Reader's Digest version. This Saturday we were supposed to celebrate with our friends that we have been married for 15 years and me being done with nursing school. Some how that celebration with friends morphed into a combo country boil/celebration. I didn't say much and was just going to go with the flow until I was informed that the country boil would have cost me about $270 to feed my family of 6. That is not something we can afford. Especially since our grocery bill is double our mortgage payment right now. (and I'm taking 5 minutes to write this before I go to the grocery store again....ugh)
Since the boil was going be expensive my husband and I bowed out and said that we cannot afford it. The other people were looking forward to the boil so we told them to go ahead and have it that we wouldn't be offended but we simply couldn't afford that kind of cost for one meal.
The problem I have is what happened next. I went to try and talk to the person who was sort of organizing the event and she didn't even acknowledge that I was standing in front of her. I left her house angry and began to realize that maybe this country boil was never about a celebration for us to begin with but more of a nice way to try and package it all together. As I reflect back on the entire series of events that happened leading up to yesterday I can fully understand and see how little our relationship means to this person. After all if our relationship meant something wouldn't there have been an effort to accommodate us or offer an alternative? That part smacked me right in the face this morning in the shower. I find myself with tears today because a relationship that I thought meant something is now over. How does a relationship end over something that seemed petty? A simple statement that we couldn't afford a meal that cost what my 5 day grocery bill has been costing. But isn't that how most relationships end? All the big stuff leads up to that one moment over something ridiculous and one person has usually had enough and walks away. I'm the person walking away. Even though I am choosing to walk away from the relationship that doesn't make it any easier.
Today I also had the realization that I have been asking God to prune my life. Nursing school is way to chaotic to have to worry about multiple things, relationships, and some days my family is neglected because of the demands of nursing school. Because of that I have been praying that God show me areas of my life that I adjust, cut back on, and things I can do better in an effort to fulfill my calling and to be the best mom/wife I can be to my family.
Pruning is tough. It hurts. It's not an easy process. Especially when you feel like you are following the path God wants you on and it is costing you a lot to follow that path. Please know that the cost has nothing to do with actual money but everything to do with time and energy.
I know that God's path is much better than any path I could venture on my own. I know that He is far more wisdom, strength, and grace than I do. So today I will mourn a relationship that is no longer and hold fast to one of my favorite bible passages. James 1:2-4 Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters,[a] whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3 because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. 4 Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.
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