But......What if I Can?

What if you look in the mirror and instead of telling yourself that you aren't good enough to achieve something you tell yourself that you can? What.........If.........I...........Can.............???!?!?!?!?

Not so long ago I found an instructor on the Peloton bike that spoke to me. And I don't mean motivated me to get me to just push harder during my workout.  While that is important, she has a way of speaking to your soul and meeting you right where you are. On one of her rides I was all in my head and thinking of all the reasons I couldn't do the things she was asking. I was recovering from surgery, I wasn't a trained cyclist, I barely knew how to clip my shoes in and out of the bike.......and the list went on. At one point she stopped peddling, looked in the camera, and said WHAT IF YOU CAN? NOW GO (meaning turn up the resistance and peddle your heart out)!!! Those words have stuck with me. What if I can?

We spend so much time as women telling ourselves all the reasons we aren't good enough. I am here to remind you, just as that Peloton instructor did for me,  that you are enough. Just as you are. Not when you finish your degree, or get the next best job, or your kids get to the next stage of life, or lose 10, 20, 50, 100 pounds, but right now you are enough. You are capable of way more than you think you are.

Will your journey include skinned knees? Yep. Will it include times when you want to quit? Absolutely. But I want you to remember that it is not about the pain, it is about your power. It is about finding your inner voice and telling her you can. So when the doubt creeps in, and it will, ask yourself this simple question.......But, what if I can?

The Power of the Scale

Over the years my fitness journey has been an all or nothing. I was either all in and restricting food way more than I am ever comfortable with or eating an entire bag of chips in one sitting. There was no middle for me. I have always heard different fitness/health professionals say “everything in moderation.”  Well this chick did not really understand moderation. In my head it made sense, but I didn’t know how or what that looked like. Was moderation an entire bag of chips today and nothing the rest of the week, or was it some today and some tomorrow, and some the next day?

Last year this time I was working the Weight Watchers point system. I had done WW before and it was familiar to me. WW was comfortable like an old pair of jeans that you knew always fit. But, I dreaded the weigh in. I hated the feeling of walking in to WW knowing that I gained weight that week, but I had felt like I had done all the right things. Or I had weeks where I thought that if I didn’t log food into my tracker that it wouldn’t matter. Well, think about that for a second. Does my ass really not log the calories eaten because I didn’t put it in my tracker? 

Monsters

Yesterday I made the drive from Colorado to Texas. My husband took a job that requires him to travel quite a bit for work and this Thanksgiving he found himself in Texas. I’m always up for an adventure and decided to drive to Texas.I had my drive all planned with podcasts, books on tape (otherwise known as audible), and lots of music. I hate searching for radio stations and we have let our XM subscription lapse, so my phone would be the go to entertainment device. I stopped for gas and got back in the Jeep and there was a station that was playing some form of the top 20 or 40 countdown, country style. I love me some country music. I caught the tail end of the song Monsters by Eric Church. Have you heard it? I’ll include the YouTube video in case you haven’t heard it. But the chorus goes like this.....

Anymore when a restless feelin’ keeps me up at night

Fallin’ on my knees in my new turnin’ on the light

I keep my faith intact, make sure my prayers are said

‘Cause I’ve learned that the monsters ain’t the ones beneath the bed

If I’m being completely honest, I haven’t done much falling on my knees to pray about anything these days. I have become distant at best in my relationship with God. In fact, I have even been questioning the existence of God. If you know anything about my journey and where I have been, that last statement probably shocks you. But, that is a post that deserves it’s own title on another day.

Restarting

I have thought about how to restart my blogging adventures, and many great people have given me the advice of just start. So here I am starting again. I used to blog frequently when we had the Blog Talk Radio Show, and then life happened and took twists and turns and here we are. So, here I am, just starting where I am. I hope you’ll join me for the journey of life and the adventures that it takes me on.

Youth Suicide

WOW!! It's been a long time since I have used this format. I wasn't even sure I remembered by login information. But, here I am. I wish it was for a different reason, youth suicide is a heavy topic. A topic that most people hear about, feel bad that they know someone who took their own life, vow to make a change, and a week later it is business as usual. That needs to stop.

Yesterday we learned of two, yes TWO, students that committed suicide in our district. And today I learned that the teenage suicide rate in the state of Colorado is DOUBLE the national average. How did that happen? What is different about this state than others? While I can't answer those questions, I can tell our story. I will not stop telling our story until something changes. Many of you know bits and pieces of our story, but not the entire story. Our entire story is way to long for this post, so I will give you a brief view.

Being a military family means lots of moves to new locations, schools, and making new friends. My kids know all to well what it is like to be the new kid. It's not fun. Especially as they got older. We got spoiled in NC. We were there for 9 years. That's a long time for a military family to be in one spot. The Army said it was time to go and we moved to Colorado about 2 years ago. As in previous moves I searched and searched and searched and searched where we should live, where will the boys go to school. We had high schoolers when we moved to Colorado. That is a beast we had not had to tackle before with the military moves. We had to deal with different episodes of bullying through the years, but nothing like we have seen here.

It All started with a Beer.......or a House

The song "It all started with a beer" by Frankie Ballard was almost as if it was written for my husband and I. We met in a bar, with a beer, and the rest is history. Strange how after being together all these years can be summed up in a 3 minute song. It started with a beer, then babies, a wedding, multiple moves, multiple deployments, and now we are getting ready for our final military move.

While the beginning of our love story started with a beer, this part of our love story started with a house. We landed at our current duty station almost 9 years ago. Like many military wives, prior to moving I searched and searched for the right house and the right schools. There was one house that stood out to me in my never ending searches. I felt like we needed to be in THAT house. I'm not sure why but I really felt like we needed to live there. Turns out it was a great house for us to start our journey here. My husband met the then XO of the unit and the rest was history. Because he was selected for the unit he was able to later transition to the job he has now, AND because of that job we are able to go to Colorado. Throughout our military journey we have always said our last duty station would be Colorado. How cool is it that it seems that the stars aligned just right and we get to live that dream? I like to think that God planted that vision for us a long time ago and we now get to see it play out.

Well, this is it. Tonight is the last night that I will sleep in this house with all of our stuff. My children are all scattered about, so tonight it is just my husband, one of our boys, and myself sleeping here. How did we get here so fast? Like any military PCS I am eager to just have the movers pack it up and get it out of here. On the other hand I find my inner two year old screaming I DON'T WANT TO GO!!!!!! YOU CAN'T MAKE ME!!!!

Presently in Chaos and Stress (PCS)

A few years ago a dear friend of mine wrote a blog for me and used the title "Presently in Chaos and Stress" and I at this point in our lives, that title is completely fitting.

After only nine short years it is time for us to say good-bye to our current duty station and move on to our next duty station. On one hand it is hard to believe we have been here nine years, but then again it feels like we have been here forever. We are comfortable. We own a home, our kids have a great network of friends, the parental units have a great network of friends and jobs we both enjoy. Comfortable is not somewhere I ever thought I would be. At least not until we retired and built a forever home. After all, this is the military and anything can change a moments notice.

When my husband left the unit and took a job that only required the occasional TDY trip, we became extremely comfortable with our day to day life. We enjoyed weekends, friends, hanging in the driveway with the neighbors, watching our children grow and change, and I have enjoyed that my children have had a little stability in their lives. Our oldest daughter attended 3 first grades, so a little stability was a welcomed change from constantly moving.