Deployment Day

Well, it is that time of year again. The time when we prep like crazy to be ready for deployment. It isn't long now until D Day is here and we are once again saying "Until next time."

We have had a roller coaster ride of events this last year. It was almost a year ago that I received the call that my husband was injured. Since then he has had several surgeries and is finally cleared to go back to regular duty. Regular duty for us means lots of TDY and deployment trips.

I had gotten very good at saying "Until next time." I was used to my husband leaving frequently. My husband and I often struggled to connect when he was home for such a short period of time. We struggled in parenting roles, our marriage, and individually with what our place was when he would be home. Often it would feel like we were two people living together instead of a married couple.



A year ago, I never imagined that my husband being injured was actually an answer to prayer. God had heard me cry out for help and heard the prayer of those around me. He knew that the only way would could truly heal from the multiple deployments and TDY trips was to force us to be together. In the past when things would start to get difficult, and in hind sight, we were probably at a spot where change would happen, my husband would have to leave on another trip. With an injury my husband was forced to stay in one in place. (disclaimer, my husband didn't sign up for trips it comes with the job. When the Army calls, he has to go)

For the past year we have had to figure out how to be married and living together.With frequent trips it becomes very easy to put up a wall and distance yourself from each other. That way you protect yourself from the hurt of constantly having to say "Until next time." We have had to figure out how to co-parent again. We have had to figure out how to let our guard down and just be the people we each fell in love with. The last year has not been easy. But I would not trade it for anything in the world. We struggled, fought, laughed, cried, and in the end became better individuals, parents, and a stronger married couple.

Fast forward to today. Since there is no longer the great wall of divided emotions for when my husband leaves, I find myself in tears and an emotional mess. I forgot how much it hurts to say "Until next time." I forgot how much I hate prepping for D Day. I forgot how much I don't want to do another deployment. And now I struggle with all the emotions of what if another phone call comes. Before I received the injury phone call I always knew it was a possibility and I've known people that have had that experience. However, until last year it was just a distance what if. Now it's a reality. It's harder for me to live in my bubble and just tell myself that my husband is off playing army with his friends. So in addition to all the regular D Day emotions, I am struggling with all the very real what if emotions.

I don't write this for pity, I write this for all the military wives who are feeling the same thing right now. We often just strap on our big girl panties and role with the process. We are strong, we rarely ask for help, we carry this burden with honor because we know that our husbands have been called to do what they do. So as we prep for D Day, and I am an emotional mess, I will be strong and carry on just like all the military wives who have gone before me. Right after I have a piece of chocolate and a chi latte.