Finding a Church Home

One of the things we have struggled with most as we move from duty station to duty station is finding a church home. We had a church that we LOVED in Texas. I worked at the preschool there, we had great friends, an awesome bible study, a great experience all around. We would have outings with our Sunday school class, parent's night out and our kids loved it there which made it even better for us.

When we moved from Texas to KY we struggled to find a church. We found Olivet Baptist Church and were happy for the most part. The people at Olivet loved on my kids, were nice to us(we made some great friends there also) and we love Bro. Brandt the preacher. But something still felt like it was missing.

Since we left Texas I feel like I have been looking for a church that would meet our needs and we would be able to give back like we did in Texas. I've come up short in our search. It seems we would find a great worship experience but then we'd have to find another bible study class. We are finding that more churches are going to a small group experience that tend to meet during the week than a traditional Sunday school. Now I find myself with two tweens and two teenagers so committing to another activity during the week mentally wears me out. Call me crazy but some nights I like to just sit and veg at the house with my family. I find that if I am over scheduled I don't get the most out of anything we are committed to. I constantly watch the clock waiting for the designated hour so I can leave and go home.


During our church search we found a local church that is rather large. We LOVE the pastor and worship part of the church but are then thrown back into the small group experience for a bible study. The staff called to welcome us to the church, tell us about small groups and would often call to check in on us. Our girls didn't care to much for youth group at this church so as they got older we decided to church shop once more so we could find a group that they click with, enjoy and mostly importantly are eager to grow their relationship with God.

During a deployment I went to another local church. The kids seemed to like the church and the children's church seemed okay. Although, I have had many experiences with children's church and this just seemed chaotic to me. I wasn't sure the boys were getting anything from the service. Not to mention that in the 3-4 months we went to service there no one from the church called to welcome me to the church, tell me about their small groups or children's programs. The girls went to youth group there a couple times and didn't care for it. They felt like outsiders. I knew that wasn't going to work for us so the church shopping continued.

On another deployment we visited yet another church. I noticed during this process that I tend to church shop without my husband. He is content with not rocking the boat and HATES church shopping. So, the kids and I are the gatherers of the information and my husband can focus his hunting skills on if this 'new' church could be a fit for us.

At this church, that we will call church 3, it was an overall okay experience. My kids love the youth group there, the children' church once again seemed like controlled chaos without learning but soon my kids wouldn't be in children's church. My husband and I found a bible study that we liked that was on Sunday morning before service and the preacher was okay. Not as dynamic as the first church we attended but he was okay. The problem I have with this church is that again in the months since we have been attending no one from the church called to welcome us and tell us about their programs. We were left to find our own way. Then there is the worship part of service. This is normally my favorite part of the service but I have come to hate it at this church. When one of the lady's that plays keyboards leads worship, it is like fingernails on a chalk board. She simply cannot sing. I give her credit for getting up there and trying. It's a hard job. If she would have been singing the first time we went to this church I'm not sure we would have went back. Yes, it's that bad. The part that boggles my mind is that there are some pretty good singers in the worship team and no one has said to her that she can't sing. I recognize that I am being selfish here with wanting to have a great worship experience. That is how I connect the most with God during service.

On Saturday my husband asked what I wanted to do for Mother's Day. I replied that I wanted to go to church 1 for service. Without hesitation my husband responded "You are wanting a great worship experience." He knew my heart. I hadn't said much about not liking service at church 3 because my kids are happy there but my husband could feel it. My husband then informed me that he knew I went to church 1 because of the worship but he liked it there because of the pastor.

Yesterday we went back to church 1 at a satellite location. They are a huge church with many locations and the sermon is fed into the sanctuary via live feed. The people were welcoming, the pastor's wife came and introduced herself to us. I felt like I was at home. I didn't find myself watching the clock to see if it was time to go. I left wanting more. I wanted to stay longer. I asked the kids what they thought of the service. My oldest daughter, who is a hard nut to crack, said she loved it. (she was the driving force for us leaving this church in the past) My youngest daughter said she liked the worship(live band) but didn't like the live feed part. She wanted the pastor there with us. Which can easily be fixed if we go to the main location which we have done in the past. Our oldest son was gone camping so he didn't attend service with us. Our youngest son said he liked the service.

Last night I found myself excited for church next week. That hasn't happened in a long time. I also found myself conflicted. Do we attempt the youth group at church 1 again or do we just let the kids continue with the youth group at church 3? I don't have the right answer for this. In the end we will let the kids decide where they feel like they are getting the most out of youth group. If we end up with half of them at one church and half at another then that's what we will do. I need them to find what works for them.

For a long time I thought I could suck up a bad church experience as long as my kids were happy and fulfilled. I did for a long time but didn't realize how much my attitude toward church had changed. I know my kids and husband saw that. It's not all about me. I can get my spiritual cup filled up in many places but why shouldn't one of those be service on a Sunday morning? I left church 1 yesterday feeling hopeful that we had finally found a church home. After almost 8 years of church hopping maybe we have found where we are supposed to be. We have searched many more churches than I write about. Some we tried once and knew it wasn't a good fit for us. Some took a little more time.

I wonder how many military families go through the same experience. I often think we can't be the only ones who have had this experience. I don't think there is an easy way to find a new church. Especially if you had a great experience at the last duty station. I had to stop comparing the churches here with the church we loved in TX. I have a hard time with that.

I'd like to hear your experiences with finding a church home as you PCS across the country. Have you found a church you love and hated to leave? Have you had a hard time finding a church after that? Or have you had a hard time finding a church altogether? It's not an easy process, especially as much as some of us move. Share your experience with me and maybe we can help other families as they move from duty station to duty station.