Waiting

Yesterday I kept telling myself I probably won't hear from my husband much. He's in pain, he's resting, the docs are taking good care of him. All of those statements are still true this morning. Except I can get past the part of I really want to talk to my husband.

I thought I would be okay with not talking to him because I know he's okay. I also thought that I could muscle through it until he got here. Truth is, today I'm a wreck. For the past two days I think I was in shock functioning on the strength of God and my family and friends. Today when I woke up the reality of what happened hit me like a ton of bricks. My husband is thousands of miles away, hurt, and I can't get to him. Worse yet, I have to wait at least a week until I get to physically lay eyes on him.

I have talked to my husband twice since the accident. The first call was  to tell me he was hurt and one to tell me he was okay. Oh, and the message he left me right after surgery telling me he was okay and things went well. I don't count that phone call because I didn't get to speak to him.


This morning I realized that I am not okay. I haven't had a good conversation with my husband, I have no idea what ankle had surgery, what the treatment plan will be, when he actually comes home, or when to expect another phone call.

As an Army wife(and former Marine Wife) I should be used to waiting. It seems to be the military motto. We often joke that everything is hurry up and wait. Can I be honest? I AM TIRED OF WAITING. I'm tired of sitting, thinking, and ending up with more questions that I don't have answers to.

On most days I will tell you that I love our life. I love that we are a military family and our children have grown up knowing what sacrifice for the greater good means. But today, today I am angry, upset, frustrated, tired, and frankly tired of being a military wife. I don't want to be strong today I just want my husband home. I want to lay eyes on him and see that he is okay for myself.

I feel like I'm a poster child for the movie title Dear God it's me Margret except I keep saying Dear God, it's me Shannon. After I say or think those words I can't come up with words to tell God how I am feeling. I know He knows. Today all I have are tears, hurt and frustration to give. I'm glad God takes me as I am and that sometimes tears are better than a hallelujah. I have plenty of tears to offer today.