Surprise Me God

It has never been a secret that things at our house are like a roller coaster. There are definite HIGHS and definite LOWS and there are the in between moments that you aren't really sure what to do with.

During the past few months re-deployment (for my civilian friends read Ted being home) has had its challenges. There were times I wasn't sure what God wanted from me and I wasn't sure why I kept ending up in the same place.  Because I was in this place over and over I was sure I was missing the lesson but I wasn't sure what I was supposed to me learning from this.

Since our deployment cycles are short we encounter a whole new set of circumstances to deal with. Before coming to this unit I thought for sure that shorter deployments would be much easier to deal with than the year deployment we had just gotten done with. The grass is never what it seems to be on the other side. Shorter deployment cycles also mean shorter at home time. We never thought this would be a problem.  But since I am so used to Ted coming and going, if he is here for longer than a few months I don't know what to do with him being here. We are good at the honeymoon period of re-deployment but it's what comes after that period that we aren't sure what to do with each other. It isn't to often that we get to visit a stage past the honeymoon period of re-deployment so it is almost like we are navigating through uncharted territory.


That's where the cycle starts. We end up at this place we don't know what to do with and before we can figure out how to work through it-its ended because another TDY or deployment trip comes up. It's normal things that happen after deployment-sharing parenting, household chores, learning how to live together again-nothing major just the normal stuff. I kept feeling like we should know how to sail the ship in this territory. We have been married for more than 10 years and I felt like we should know how to live as a married couple. At what point does that knowledge come? I'm not sure it ever does. Marriage is work and as long as we are living then there is work to be done.

Lately I have been praying for God to give me the vision that He wants for my life. I was tired of feeling stuck. See, the thing about praying that way, be ready for the answer. When I received the answer I went "YEP, Sorry Lord you must have the WRONG person for that job because I'm sure you didn't mean it for me." Because I didn't like the answer I strayed away from God. I decided that I knew better (insert laughter here) and went on my merry way. I decided that I knew there had to be something that I wanted to do or something that I wanted from life that I hadn't yet discovered. All the while I knew the answer that God had given me was the answer that I needed but wasn't ready to welcome the challenge and set forth on the course that He had set.

A few years ago I had read the book titled Surprise Me-A 30 Day Faith Experiment by Terry Esau. During this 'experiment' Terry would wake everyday and simple say "Surprise Me God." No hidden strings, no please Lord do this for me, no agenda set before God. Just simply say "Surprise Me God" and see what happens.

I have tried this faith experiment on several different occasions. For those that know me well, know I have self diagnosed A.D.D., so sticking with one thing for any length of time is a huge triumph in itself. But I did this challenge because I liked what I saw in Terry's book. A simple conversation with God uncomplicated by life situations. There are times in my life when I'm not sure if I am hearing God or myself and this experiment allowed me to hear God and see what He was putting in place for me. This experiment helped me get back to listening for God's voice.

Lately I have been trying to incorporate 'Surprise Me God' into my daily life. Not just by conducting an experiment but by living that way. I finally decided to follow what God was telling me to do and simply asked that He help me chart the course because I wasn't sure I would be able to do this job alone. But God already knew that. He sees a much bigger picture than I can. I have been surprised by the number of people coming into my life because of my shift in attitude.

Maybe the lesson I was supposed to get out of all of this is just a change in attitude. There are days I just long to be right and have my way. Maybe I need to change my way of seeing the situations. Then again I could be completely off base and be back in the struggle not knowing what lesson I am supposed to be getting. No matter what happens, I hope in any situation I am able to turn my face towards heaven with an open heart and simply say "Surprise Me God."