Have Not

Since moving to Fort Bragg, NC we have struggled to find a church home. When I think I have found one something doesn't feel just right. We usually stay at a church for a while before we move on. The last few weeks I have been visiting a small local church that reminds me of the Souled Out Church in the Yada Yada books by Neta Jackson.

The church we visited is in a shopping center, it has the big store front windows. On our first visit to the church their was a potluck the next week and we were instructed to bring enough food for our family plus one so there would be enough food for visitors to stay and enjoy the fellowship. If you have read the Yada Yada books you know that they do the same type of thing.

Although the church felt strangely familiar even though I had never been there, something didn't feel just right. I'm not sure what I am expecting when I church hop but I didn't have that instant connection or hear angels sing as I entered the door as my sign that I was where I was supposed to be.

During our first visit at the church the pastor was talking about prayer and what makes a good prayer. I will admit that I drifted in and out of the sermon. I'm not sure where I am in my walk with God but I know that I am drifting some where. I need to reconnect but I'm not sure how to do that. But in between my daydreaming I did hear what I think God wanted me to hear.

One of the points the pastor said about prayer is this- "Do you pray about what you don't have or do you complain about it?" OUCH! That hit me right in the stomach. When the pastor said that statement I realized that I wasn't praying about what I didn't have, I was happy complaining about it. I just wanted everyone to pat me on the back and rock me with their words. I wasn't sure I could pray about it or knew how to pray about it. Shortly before visiting this church I had found out that my husband will be deployed again and rather quickly after his return from this deployment. YUCK!

As the pastor went through his sermon I kept saying to God "God it's me asking you to please let me have my husband for more than a few weeks. I'm not sure I'm strong enough to go through another deployment this soon. I know that with your grace and strength I can get through it. But Lord, I need my husband. My kids need my husband. This is me asking you to find a way for him to stay here a little longer." Not much of a prayer huh? It was more like me pleading with God to let my husband stay here. But I wasn't sure how to pray about it without seeming selfish.

At the end of the sermon the pastor made the point "You have not because you ask not." He did give the scripture reference but I can't remember it right off the top of my head. I had tears in my eyes at that point and continued with my plea. "Please Lord, let my husband stay here longer."

I still don't know exactly when the next trip will be but I know it's coming. I also know that the Lord will show me how to pray for the things I need in stead of sounding like a two year old. And I know that the Lord will meet me right where I am and right now I am at the pleading stage.

During trying times do you complain about what you don't have or do you pray about it? I'm going to try and stop picking up the phone to complain about something and start getting on my knees more. How about you?