Anticipation

As I write this I am waiting for my husband to come home from his most recent deployment. Not much longer. I would love to scream (or type) exactly when he will be here but because of OPSEC I can only tell you it will be soon.

I sat down to type an email and when I approached my computer I saw the picture of my husband that I have set as my desktop picture. I look at the picture and think "Not much longer."(insert the number of sleeps left) But I also wonder if maybe I have dreamt this man up in my imagination.

In reality I know I am married and I know that my husband will be here. I didn't magically conceive and give birth to our children. I know that I have talked to my husband on the phone and even had a Video Tele-conference with him. But until he is actually here and I can touch him it feels like I am living in a made for TV movie.

Once I finally wrap my brain around the fact that he is coming home I start to think about the what ifs that come with "R" day.(reunion day) What if he doesn't recognize me? What if I don't look good to him any more? What if I don't recognize him? What if..........

I think it's normal to play the what if game. We have been apart for so long that it's hard to imagine life together again. Although I have fantasized about it for the entire deployment. I couldn't wait for "R" day. The kids and I would count down how many sleeps left and some days it was all I had to go through the motions of life because that's all I had to give.

As we all anxiously await the return of our loved ones, remember that your husband is reality. You didn't dream him up. He will look every bit as handsome as the day he left and you will recognize him the minute you see him. Just as you can pick out the back of your child in any crowd you will be able to pick out your husband as well. You will look better than your husband remembered. He too has longed for the day to be home and see you.

Not much longer and I will see my handsome husband. Then I am going to lock the door and shut the world out. The kids and I need to reconnect with the man we have longed to have home for so long. Before we know it, it will be back to life as a normal military family. If there is such a thing as normal in this military life.